Surrogacy: Postpartum & PPD
Postpartum Life….Everybody has a different experience, and surrogacy changes that as well. After one month, I felt great.
My mind and body have gone through such an amazing journey. I was mentally prepared for postpartum life, but hormones are crazy so I knew there may be some hard or emotional times. I cried several times, but it was out of happiness. Happy that this sweet baby was united with his family & siblings, and happy that my part of the journey was successful and complete.
Experiencing Postpartum life without a baby to care for is so different! Life just kind of gets back to normal (pre-pregnancy life) and getting back into a normal routine life was really great for me and my mentality. I was ready! The end of pregnancy can be hard and exhausting and mentally draining, and having my body back to myself was such a great feeling.
BUT…
After about 6 weeks (this is when I stopped pumping for surro-babe) I started having some “down” not understanding what I was feeling, lethargy, and just an overall fog took over. Postpartum depression was hitting me. I wouldn’t say it was because there was no baby, or because I was attached to the baby in any way. After giving birth, hormones run wild. Your body aims to get back to normalcy post baby, and this is what I was experiencing.
I am so thankful, that I recognized these feelings sooner than I had with Henley. I finally told Luke how I was feeling, along with several friends I could trust with prayer. Once I spoke out about my depression, I felt a burden lift off.
When I was experiencing PPD I felt like I was drowning in my own circumstances and I didn’t notice that God was using my situation to help others that were going through something similar. God put me in charge of my depression and this is when my mind started to clear and the fog started disappearing.
The way I battled against being anxious was through prayer. The situation of anxiety and depression may not change, but my perspective changed because God was working through me. I had to give over the thoughts I was having to God. God has given us the power to interrupt the thoughts of depression. This does not mean you can just wish these feelings away, but there are patterns of choices and thought patterns that can help, and did help me to get through Postpartum depression.
“Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart” -Colossians 4:2
Since going through PPD I have been much more aware of my mind, thoughts, and I keep myself accountable by talking to my husband or close friends about my feelings as soon as they start to sneak back. I have found it to really help defeat and lessen when I talk aloud about it!
[…] year or so, and I discovered I was in the midst of depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed with Postpartum depression/ anxiety (after giving birth in august 2020 as a surrogate) that then carried into my Pregnancy […]